Hades ab Altar

HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP!

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:31:15 GMT

I'M GOING BACK IN THE FALL!!!!!SHIFTONE!!!!111ELEVENTY!!!! I realize I've been saying this for ages, well I've kept pushing the date back too. But it's officially official, and to me that makes it real. Seriously, this is the first really good news I've had in a long time, and I'm so excited I can hardly sit still! I'm off to go spazz out with joy!

Quam bene vivas refert, non quam diu

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 03:20:15 GMT

"One can no more impose his will on the people than one can impose his will upon the earth, he may cut into it, mine it, shape it, strip it bare, but he will never have dominion over it; within it lies the power to author his destruction, so too do the masses hold sway over those in power, and they would do well not to forget it."

"Beauty, true beauty, does not come from some shallow aesthetic appeal, but is rather derived from its qualifier; truth, for in the essence of everything that is truly beautiful there is an undercurrent of truth that we must glean from it. And therein lies our purpose, to seek out true beauty, and garner from it the truth that beckons us. This is why you see men enamored with that which seems plain, or simple, they see the undercurrent of truth within it. For you see, there is truth in everything, and as such when that truth is understood, everything is beautiful."

"I earn my living in the only honest way that is left to men in times like these; that is to say, rather, that I am a highwayman."

"He stepped out of the woods bearing over one shoulder a great many sticks he had gathered for his campfire, and had bundled them together with the finest ribbon, and peeking out from within the sticks was the head of his axe."

Outside of the context I imagine them in they really mean nothing, but I guess I'm putting them in here so if I ever do get off my lazy butt and write the story that I play with in my head sometimes I can remember them. (The reason I don't write it is because I'm secretly afraid that it's not going to be original and everyone will realize it's mostly just a poor imitation of les miserables)

Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:01:28 GMT

I almost cried at work today... The downside to my job sometimes is that it gives me lots of time to think, and I guess in a way I'm surprised it took this long to sink in. When I was in fifth grade, well really for all of my academic career I had a problem with turning in homework and remembering things. My fifth grade teacher decided to do something about it, and so she, my parents, and I sat down and made up this contract where I turned my homework in and had a checklist I had to fill out and some other stuff, and in return my parents did something with me or gave me something and I got to pick what it was. Well this was back when dad was traveling and I decided I wanted to go to the national guard museum at Forbes Field with my dad. Out of anything I could have picked, that's what I wanted most, just to get to spend a day with my father. And I guess it just hit me like a ton of bricks today. As a kid that's what I wanted more than anything, was to spend time with my dad, because I never got to, and you know what he was doing during this time? Riding around in limos with millionaires and hookers. And eight years down the line, he's there bragging about it to me. He fucking abandoned us. Come to find out, the reason he quit that job had nothing to do with him wanting to spend more time with us, Mom threatened to leave him if he kept traveling. I used to get all excited when he'd be the one who picked us up from school, it made my day, and I guess he used to piss and moan to mom every time he had to do it. And it was just all I could do to keep from crying for about an hour today, because that little ten year old had his heart broken today.

Kiss me goodbye, I can see the venom in your eyes...

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 03:16:35 GMT

"That's it I've had it with these mother fuckin' snakes on this mother fuckin' plane"
(Entire Audience Cheers)

Snakes on a plane roxx0rz my boxx0rz lol

seriously, it rocked

I been bad, I been good, Dallas Texas, Hollywood, I ain't askin' for much...

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 14:46:14 GMT

so yeah, probably not going to check this 'til I get back...

I've decided that I don't want to come home to an inbox full of spam from colleges and SAT questions of the day, and that I also need to update my address book, so we're going to play a little game, it's called you email me a question, any question, and I shall answer it to the best of my knowledge, and with as much honesty as I am capable of/comfortable with. so my email address is killerpenguinsofterrror@ gmail.com, ready, set, go!

"I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

So you want a revolution, well ya know, we all want to change the world...

Tue, 09 May 2006 20:57:48 GMT

VIVE LE REVOLUTION!

I came home and had a celebratory milkshake in honor of the revolution...

and then I for whatever reason thought Eli was Mr. Arhns...

you know what I just realized? this time last year, I was puking my guts out...

now back to partying with my friends John Bonham and Jimmy Page

There is no pain...

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 02:55:20 GMT

my neck hurts...damn cadillac that T-boned me...even if it was my fault

Yeah who do you looove...

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 06:22:24 GMT

so anyway, haven't written in here in forever,
summary of the last month(s)

Kelsie hates me, I don't give a fuck

I'm going to nationals and it rocks hardcore (even if it is PFD)

and I'm going to do other things now

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 23:19:57 GMT

Led Zepplin, testing the cornering on a sportscar, and automotive repair do wonders when it comes to putting things in perspective and brightening up you life...

last night got the house to myself and blasted the Zepplin, then took the mustang out for a spin, damn people doing the recommended speed around curves, then discussed the possible applications for the shifter my dad has laying around from when he changed the transmission in his '66 mustang, I ended up keeping the shifter (my new weapon of choice)...

came home today and started popping trim pieces off my car, and realized something, I should do this every day, just come home, work on the car for an hour before I have to shuttle children, and I think on days where I don't have to be somewhere after school I may go actually make use of my Y membership, it's time to get my life back in order and move forward

found out last night that there's someone with the last name Bach in my mom's family who was born in the fifteen hundreds somewhere in germany...wonder if Johann and I are related...for that matter, my greatgrandpa, on my dad's mom's side claimed to be a direct descendant of Attila the Hun....interesting...
Shamelessly stolen from the ever magnificent KJ
What song reminds you of me?

Put this in your journal too. The answers might surprise you.

Old Love

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 00:12:03 GMT

(by eric clapton and robert cray)

I can feel your body
When i'm lying in bed
There's too much confusion
Going around through my head

And it makes me so angry
To know that the flame still burns
Why can't i get over?
When will i ever learn?

Old love, leave me alone
Old love, go on home

I can see your face
But i know that it's not real
It's just an illusion
Caused by how i used to feel

And it makes me so angry
To know that the flame will always burn
I'll never get over
I know now that i'll never learn

Chorus

thus ends my tribute to valentine's day
in other news this is yesterday's xanga entry, contemplate with me:

You were born, you will die, get over it.

I was waiting to pick up Brenden from RE and I was looking at the random projects on the wall, and one of them was a self descriptive thing of sorts, and the children had listed their fears, and I'd say about 90% of them had listed a fear of death among those, and I can't help but be fascinated with the human preoccupation with the two ultimates in our existence, we were born, and we will eventually die, and invariably it seems that almost everyone spends most of their lives coping with one or both of those truths, and a fair amount of the time it consumes our lives, why is it that we opt to combat the inevitable? is it that difficult for us to grasp our own mortality? or is it symptomatic of a deeper fear, such as the fear of leading a mediocre life?

It's been a long time...

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 05:41:43 GMT

KJ bought a printer from me at work today, and it set off a chain of cataclysmic events that lead to the end of the human race...oh wait that's the release of ozone into the atmosphere...what actually happened is that KJ said that we should hang out and long story short, we ended up going to Lola's and ended up seeing Becca there, and then who should walk in but Bethy and Calvin, I haven't seen them in forever, and I guess I realized just how much I missed them, and our conversations and also how rarely I tell everyone just how much you all mean to me, I dedicate the next part of this entry to...well everyone...

(in no particular order):

Emily: I love hanging out with you, you're hysterical, but at the same time you always let me know when I'm being an asshole and put my ego back in check (always a good thing) you're also the overachiever I wish I could be, I don't know how you do it, but you obviously do it and do it well

Jabiz: you amuse me...it's kinda fun having to explain things like what woodstock was and the cutural signifigance of Jimi Hendrix, but you're also an incredible confidant, and it's really nice to have someone you can bounce things off of...

Jayna: I swear I have not seen anyone get as many funny facial expressions out of their face as you have (does wave)

Becca: we really do need to hang out more, you are one of the most candid people I know, and it's rather refreshing it's not something you see often, and it's truly special, please don't ever stop doing that

Calvin: I know you can't read this you maginificent bastard, but you rock more than Jimi Hendrix on steroids, I swear you are one of the most intelligent people I know

Kim: wow it really has been a while...

Jesse: we've had some good times man...

Devon: My Jewish sister from another mother (and father) I think that you and I have had some of the longest phone calls I've ever had

Kelsie: you make me chuckle, especially when you're really hyper, I love it, it makes my grin inside at the same time, sometimes I have to kinda wonder if you're really irritated with me or if you just act that way...but such is life...

KJ: Contrary to your mother's opinion I do not have a crush on you, I love you to death though (in a platonic way) even if I don't always agree with you...

anyway, let me know if you've been neglected (my deepest apologies to those who have been, it wasn't deliberate) on another tangent from tonite, Why is it that we shy away from showing people in physical intimacy but we're ok with large amounts of violence? comments appreciated

To feel the warmth of inner confusion and space cadet glow...

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 15:31:06 GMT

It feels good to win... Debated at Olathe NW this weekend and we went 4-1 on 18 speaks and a pretty good opp. record... broke to sems as 3rd seed and dropped 1st round to a
2-1 decision....revalations for this weekend, I can still talk pretty fast, when I do my voice drops an octave (it's crazy), I'm gonna have to learn to debate cracked out arguments like kritiks, and I now feel vindicated for last season (for those of you who don't know, last season sucked for me only won one neg round the whole year, and I think my best win/loss was 2-3) after the tournament mike and I bought Jones sodas (I promised a round if we broke) and went back to mikes and partied and had steak...

Somehow when you smiled I could brave bad weather...

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 21:19:16 GMT

Bought Tommy last night along with Hell's Angels (The Howard Hughes film) and some other movies, life's been interesting the past couple of days, I'd rather not publicly explain why though... I ought to be working on homework, oh well

Under pressure....

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 20:54:30 GMT

I need a hiatus from life... or rather a hiatus from everything I've been doing that's been keeping me from doing what I want to do with my life instead, I finally bought most of the parts I need to fix my car, but now I don't have time to do it, I have time to practice my guitar, but still no energy, school is still bearing down on me like a frieght train, as is the rest of my life, I can't really remember the last time I relaxed, this summer feels like a faint memory from another lifetime, I feel like my life is hurtling towards a brick wall and the brake has snapped off in my hands, I need a week without responsibilty or stress, I think it was dad who pointed it out saturday night, I was sitting there watching SNL and I still looked stressed out... who the hell said I was allowed to start growing up?

my yellow in this case is not so mellow...

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 09:59:09 GMT

It's that time of year again.... I'm up at four in the morning drinking coffee and doing diction exercises, debate season is upon us

And I'm looking for the sky to save me, I'm looking for a satellite

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 02:36:29 GMT

"From this transfer of the world into the consciousness, this beholding of all things in the mind, follow easily his whole ethics. It is simpler to be self-dependent. The height, the deity of man is, to be self-sustained, to need no gift, no foreign force. Society is good when it does not violate me; but best when it is likest to solitude. Everything real is self-existent. Everything divine shares the self-existence of Deity. All that you call the world is the shadow of that substance which you are, the perpetual creation of the powers of thought, of those that are dependent and of those that are independent of your will. Do not cumber yourself with fruitless pains to mend and remedy remote effects; let the soul be erect, and all things will go well. You think me the child of my circumstances: I make my circumstance. Let any thought or motive of mine be different from that they are, the difference will transform my condition and economy. I — this thought which is called I, — is the mould into which the world is poured like melted wax. The mould is invisible, but the world betrays the shape of the mould. You call it the power of circumstance, but it is the power of me. Am I in harmony with myself? my position will seem to you just and commanding. Am I vicious and insane? my fortunes will seem to you obscure and descending. As I am, so shall I associate, and, so shall I act; Caesar's history will paint out Caesar. Jesus acted so, because he thought so. I do not wish to overlook or to gainsay any reality; I say, I make my circumstance: but if you ask me, Whence am I? I feel like other men my relation to that Fact which cannot be spoken, or defined, nor even thought, but which exists, and will exist. "
Emerson thou art God

I'm with my friends tonite...

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 23:10:54 GMT

Battle of the bands rocked, bought the fatal 27th cd, I should be working on my essay, but I'm a slacker, goin' my first debate tourney of the season this week, bought some emerson and machiavelli yesterday, and yeah... not much else goin' on, I need to work on my car soon

you've been workin' and savin' for your jamaican dream, paradise is waiting across the sea...

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 03:08:34 GMT

I gave my two weeks notice today... why does it feel like I lost?

And so castles made of sand, fall in the sea, eventually...

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 04:29:51 GMT

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weather/environment/12820947.htm?source=rss&channel=miamiherald_environment ....that's crazy
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41248 ...just some more random sites

Lines form on my face and hands...

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 03:14:01 GMT

Blah.
had an interesting discussion at lunch today about getting my hair cut, the official verdict is that before I cut it I should come to school emofied for one day, simply because I'm the anti-emo and teenage angst makes me laugh because the simple truth is that most teenagers haven't seen true hardship and don't know true pain (myself included) and therefore have nothing to angst about, let's face it, 99% of the people I know at school don't have to worry about where their next meal comes from, or the fact that their mother killed their father, or any other number of these things, so for the rest of us I say, suck it up, if that's the worst thing that happens you're in good shape

'Scuse me while I kiss the sky...

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 02:36:08 GMT

went to work to pick up my schedule for this week, turned out friday was payday and I hadn't realized it, so got my paycheck and cashed it, then bought gas, car parts (one part closer to having it drivable, next thing will be new seats), and a manual for my car (with the money mom and dad are gonna give me for gas), then I decided that I needed some Hendrix, so I went to Hastings found it and decided that I ought to look for Paradise Theatre (my favorite album, the record had a mishap and is badly scratched) and lo and behold, there it was, after having searched for it all summer I found it used for five bucks, so I bought Experience Hendrix and Paradise Theatre, and I'm a happy camper now, also I saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith tonite, good movie, and if you haven't guessed I'm home from Ohio, which was OK 'til the car ride home, which if you want details IM me ebilpenguinage

In the darkness I rise, long before the dawn, I was dreaming of home, and the life I left...

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 21:24:42 GMT

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

Tomorrow I get to go to ohio for my great grandpa's funeral, I barely knew him, I wish I knew him better, he was a nice guy. I wish I didn't have to miss so much school though, I'm behind enough as is.

When I grow up, I want to be a philosopher king

There is a house in New Orleans they call the rising sun...

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 05:01:05 GMT

What military aircraft are you?

F-15 Eagle

You are an F-15. Your record in combat is spotless; you've never been defeated. You possess good looks, but are not flashy about it. You prefer to let your reputation do the talking. You are fast, agile, and loud, but reaching the end of your stardom.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

quote for the day
"Man is his own star; and the soul that can
Render an honest and a perfect man,
Commands all light, all influence, all fate;
Nothing to him falls early or too late.
Our acts our angels are, or good or ill,
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still"
--Epilogue to Beaumont and Fletcher's Honest Man's Fortune

So ya thought ya might like to go to the show...

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 09:19:22 GMT

I've been up since 11:00... I can't sleep, stupid me trying to take a nap at five... got up at 11:00 got a snack, went upstairs, tried to sleep, ended up reading, came back down at like two, ate broccoli and some cheese (from the cheese place we went to in oceola) read Garraty, finished that about 3 so just flipped through the book for an hour hoping to get tired (yes I read my history textbook when I didn't have to) then gave up and came down here, my stupid cough is making me miserable, my abs hurt from trying to kneeboard saturday and every time I cough they hurt worse, and now my sleep schedule is gonna be all fucked up...great

gotta catch 'em all!!!

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 21:17:21 GMT

why the hell is the pokemon theme song stuck in my head?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
so anyway last night rocked, and for your viewing/reading pleasure, I shall share my random writing that is somewhat inspired by my drive home last night, and the rest by ...well, life:

"The air is heavy and sweet with the anticipation of the oncoming storm. In the mind dwells silent reflection of the elegant paradox written in the verse of the storm, the harbinger of life and death, it is no wonder the emporer of the gods was lord of the storm. There is an elegant but simple poetry which lies all but forgotten in nature that makes itself known within the storm. If a man would truly wish to be at peace, all he must do is learn to savor the sweet meter that nature composes, within it lies all that is lost in the lives of the fools that walk this earth, blessed is he who rediscovers this simple truth! but sorrowful is he as well for he knows he can share this truth only with those other blessed few who know the true measure of the world. Doubly blessed is he who finds the truth that resides in his fellow men. In so much of our lives do we deal with half-truths that we have become naught but a mass of half-men, we float through our hollow lives, lacking substance, lacking purpose, lacking truth. We are the shadows, the wraiths of the men that lie within our souls. What great fools we are to be blinded to that which lies before us and within us!"

...and that's where it stops

so today sucked, Woke up, looked at the clock, and it's quarter to eight (school starts at eight) so I was five minutes late to school, then my day just kinda went downhill, come home looking forward to the Jones soda I've got stashed in the fridge, and it blows up on me...sigh...the way my day is going, I'll get fired when I walk in the door to work today (Shouldn't have said that, now it'll come true)